As We Forgive

As with so many things in our lives, we may be guilty of getting this part of the prayer a bit backward. At first glance, this phrase seems to say we are requesting that we be forgiven in the same way that we forgive others--and that is not incorrect; however, we have to look closer--we have to think closer: it seems to me that what is being said is not really so much about how we are forgiven as it is about how we forgive. We are given a charge here; Christ is telling us something about His expectations for our behaviour.


Instead of being passive, instead of laying back and saying to God, "Go ahead, do Your thing," we should be active; we should be actively trying to move toward the goal that has been set for us: to forgive others as we want to be forgiven. Or, to extrapolate just a bit, to treat others as we want to be treated.


I think that we often read this passage of the prayer in that other way--"forgive us as we forgive"--with the understanding, someplace in the back of our consciousness, that we do a pretty good job of forgiving, thank you very much. We probably think that we already forgive everyone around us just fine, and that we would be happy to be treated the same way. Maybe we do. Or maybe you do. I know that I am usually lacking in the forgiveness area. I could stand a few lessons or at least a gentle reminder of how to behave from time to time--or daily.

Do we truly want to get as we give? Can we be satisfied with receiving in like as we have given unto others? Hidden in this--yet implicit in it--is the idea of what we are to do ourselves. I have a poster in my room at school entitled The Golden Rule. The poster lists a variety of incarnations of the Golden Rule as it appears in different cultures. The point of the poster seems to be that no matter who we are, where we come from, what we believe, at our core we all cling to the idea that doing unto others as we would have done unto us is a good thing. Those of us who are Christian should pay especial attention to such an admonition. I am afraid that there are those who might hesitate to embrace something that is shared among so many disperate groups, but we know the source, and so we should hold to it all the more tightly.

Christ is reminding us that we are to base our treatment of others on our idea of how we would want to be treated, and He presents the reminder in the model for all of us to follow as we pray; however, most of us might miss the message if we fall into the rut of allowing the words to take control--that is, if we just say the words without thinking about the meaning. When I teach literature, especially poetry, I often find myself having to remind my students that they cannot ignore that the author has chosen his words for a reason. Just so, we cannot skim through the Lord's Prayer without stopping to examine the meaning behind the words. Going through the motions--mouthing the words--will get us into trouble almost every time. We have to search for and hold onto the truth that is inside Christ's words.

So, how should we forgive, how should we treat others? We are advised that this should be as we wish to be forgiven or as we want to be treated, but what, exactly, does that mean? We are all different, after all; does that mean that it applies to us each differently? As any number of my high school students might suggest, does that mean that if we are masochists that we should be sadistic to others? I would probably explain to such a student, in response to such a suggestion, that most masochists probably understand that not all people share their ideas about pain; most people are capable of understanding others if they want to do so. I think that the essence of this concept requires each of us to attempt empathy and common sense, two functions that all too often lie dormant, gathering dust on forgotten shelves of our psyches.

If we stop to think about others, we realize that each person outside ourselves will not, cannot desire the exact things we do. However, we should also be able to embrace the idea that each person wants the same kind of thing: we each want to feel good, we each want respect, we each want acceptance. We may achieve these in different ways, but they are essential to our well-being, to our personhood. As we interact with others, including any instance we might encounter requiring us to forgive someone, we should consider how we might impact the other in these ways: are we being respectful and accepting?

This is not to say that we must respect and accept everything. Nor does it mean that our purpose should be to make everyone feel good. I do not think that God expects us to dispense euphoria to the masses. We are not charged to ensure that everyone maintains great self-esteem no matter what. On the other hand, we need to reflect God's love through our actions--to attempt to be Christ-like in the things we do, especially in our interactions with others, Christian and non-Christian. God's love, as we can see in the actions of Christ, brings joy and peace; God's love nurtures and nourishes; God's love lifts us up and moves us forward. Our actions toward others should have much the same aim. While we are not to embrace and excuse the sins of others, we should also not attack the person; the platitude "Love the sinner, not the sin," while trite, contains a truth that we need to accept: we should accept the person as a fellow human being and extend the respect, good-will, and love to that person that Christ would.

In essence, then, forgiving as we would want to be forgiven and, by extension, treating others as we would want to be treated actually mean that we should try to be Christ-like. This makes it simple to understand, not so simple to achieve. However, the key is that we should try. God understands our limitations; He also understands our hearts, and this portion of the prayer very much addresses what is in our hearts.